Update

It has been a while since I posted.  I didn't even realise how long it had been until I logged in.

So, I am in the middle of week 5 on 12WBT and it has been a bit of an up and down journey so far for me. I have managed to loose 3.8kg with our next weigh in later this morning. I have been struggling and beginning to wonder if this is the right time for me to be attempting to do this. I don't ever seem to be able to get my head in the right place and just want to give up.

This year has been really hard for me, mum had a stroke on 16 January which left her paralysed down her left side and was in hospital for nearly 5 months, at which time I became a carer for my dad (who has had 9 major stroke and a major heart attack in the 8 years), and also became the taxi driver for my sister to get to all her medical appointment (she broke her foot in 5 places and also broke her leg in November last year).  Which pretty much had left me feeling really depleted as I was so busy looking dad and my sister and trying to work full time.

We had to have our dog put down on 5 April due to severe ill health and that knock our family around, then my gran in England past away on 21 April (dad's mum), which also happened to coincide with the start of my heart palpitations.

I have been under a cardiologist since then and he believes they are a result of the constant stress I am under.

Mum has now been home for a little over a month and it seems like she wants us to go back to the way things were before she had her stroke. Her actions lead me to believe that she wants someone home with her full time, but she keeps saying I need to keep working. When I am home with her, she doesn't seem able to do very much for herself. I have to get her food and organise her medication and insulin injections, which means that from the time I get up at 6.30 am till whatever time both my parents go to bed (usually close to midnight) I am in the go with them especially mum and even after they go to bed. Like now it is 12.45 am and I needed to strap her hand which is causing her pain. During the week the only time I can get to myself is when I am driving too and from work. Even when I have tried to go out to exercise mum calls with some sort of issue.

A week ago she had a major fall at home, where she landed in the doorway on her front with her left arm stuck under her with no way of getting it out. Thankfully my brother and sister were at home cause she was unable to her her arm out and it was causing her pain. The ambulance was called and she was listened as a Code 9 which is a trapped person so when I finally got home from work here were 2 ambulances, 2 police vans and a fire truck at my place. It took them nearly 3 hours to get her up and they had to cut the carpet to move her out of the doorway so they could roll her over and get her up.

I am really scared that it will happen when my sister goes back to work and I am at work and mum will be stuck on the floor all day cause she can't get up and dad can't see to help her.

I am so conflicted about what I should be doing with her, but I know that if the situation doesn't change soon I am going I have some very serious health issues of my own.

First Post

Welcome to my blog. This is my first attempt at blogging and I am going to use it as a way of tracking my journey to finding the real me.

It was my birthday recently and I am now 33 years old. I am obese, pre diabetic and are having heart palpitations on a regular basis (which I am under a cardiologist for).

I have been steadily gaining weight since I was about 15 years old and it has been killing my self esteem ever since. At this moment I feel that I am not sure it is even worth trying to loose weight cause I just feel like I will fail anyway and whats the point. I have people in my life who are constantly bring me down and everytime I make some progress in either weight loss or self esteem, I feel like I get booted to the kerb again.

I have signed up for Round 2 of Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation and I have seen so many people achieve great things on it.

With so much going on at home at the moment I am not sure I will succeed, but I will give it my best shot.